I have found that my life has taken a lot of twist and turns lately. In these changes, I have struggled with wanting to know what the future holds for my children and for me. What will life look like a year, five years, ten years? I need to trust that God has a plan even when I am not sure of the next steps. I have also been thinking about how the definition of repentance is to turn from one’s sins. I want to turn from anything that distracts me from God, and walk in-step with God. I fail at this often, but I am thankful for God’s love and patience with me.
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
In Matthew chapter 22, Jesus states that the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. He also tells us that the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves. Our greatest purpose in life should be to love God and love others. I have realized that in the last couple of months that it is much easier to love God and love others, from a place of understanding how great the love of God is for me. Before I can love others well, I need to remember how much God loves me. An attitude of humility grows from my heart when I understand the amazing grace that God shows me each and every morning. So, I want to remember who I am to God, and I want to show other God’s love with a grateful heart.
Breathe. Relax the tight shoulders. Kick my shoes off, and put my feet up. Just stop clinging so tightly. I am trying to hold it all together. I don’t have to hold it all together, God does. Release the hurt, the anger, the pain, the tears. Let the tears stream down my face. Release the fear. Give all the negative feelings and emotions to God. He wants me to be real with Him. I tell myself that I need to say these nice little prayers. I think I need to stuff the negative emotions, but when I stuff them they just ooze out unexpectedly. It is so much better to just to lay them at the foot of the cross and leave them there. In the act of releasing, I can find hope and healing.
I heard the below song at church on Sunday, and it has been my prayer this week. I am so thankful that God”s kindness is not something that I could ever earn or possibly ever repay. It is totally and completely unmerited favor. My life has been messy as of late, and I have leaned on my amazing family for love and support. This season of needing help from my family has reminded me how much I lean on God and how desperate I am for Him. I am thankful that my security and identity are secure in Christ and do not change even when my circumstances do. I am thankful for this truth from Hebrews.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
I am thankful that God’s love is steadfast and true. I am thankful that God is a firm foundation, a strong tower. I am thankful that I can run to Him when life doesn’t make sense. I find my strength in the shadow of His wings. I want to recognize my great need for Jesus. I am to easily distracted by things that I believe that I need or even things that I convince myself that I deserve. I don’t want to be distracted by things, even good things that take my eyes off of God. May I fix my eyes on Jesus.
“Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Many areas of my life feel somewhat up in the air right now. I have more questions than answers, and I am not really sure how things are going to work out yet. One thing that I have realized through this journey is that I need to settle one truth in my mind. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. If I look at the world keeping that truth as my compass, than all the unknowns will not be as intimidating. I need to be settled in the truth that I have a good, good Heavenly Father, and that I am loved by Him more than I can comprehend. If I focus on the depth of God’s love for me, than it is easier for me to love others even when it is hard to do. God loves me. I am his child, and He wants me to share that love with others.
I am writing this on post on a Saturday, again. I guess it is hard for me to take the time to write on a weekday. The weekdays seem to fly by so fast. I am thankful that this community is a place of grace, and that I can write this post a day late. My children and I have made a fresh start recently. This fresh start coincided with a move across country, and I do not feel like we have achieved a comfortable routine yet. The words change and routine are antonyms, and if I am honest I am more comfortable with the word routine than the word change. I do want to accept the changes in my life, though. I may not have a set new routine for several months, and I want to find some sense of being okay in the meantime. Even if I do not know what my routine will be in six months or a year from now, I want to trust God more and worry less. Worry never helps a situation anyway.
I have seen God’s provision in incredible ways in the last few months. “He will make a way where there is no way.” (Elevation Worship) He can take what is broken and restore it to a work of beauty. I am thankful for the way that I have seen God provide in my life. I am reminded of the vision that God gave the prophet Ezekiel in the Old Testament. Ezekiel watched dry brittle bones come to life. I know that if I am honest I have broken areas that I need desperately for the Holy Spirit to breathe life into. The hard part is surrendering those broken pieces to God and trusting that He will provide healing. It is easier to put proverbial band aids on the wounds and pretend that I am just fine, instead of admitting to the Father that I am in need of Holy healing. I do need God’s healing power to work in my life. I surrender to God’s work in my life.